Absorption "Klee-Tah"

Dear Lord,

I see you want me to contribute more efforts to the site and have it not just be a technical process that I am going through but to put absolute feeling into the entire project, and this is what I will do. Systematic movements are so much easier to follow than to go by feel as we grow older, and I must always remember not to succumb to that.

You came to me this morning and I felt your inspirational voice flow through me as I moved throughout the morning but now as I am entering the afternoon, I am losing my hold on you. Because my prayers have not been answered as yet, I am starting to doubt yet again. But then again it wasn't like I'd absolute faith before. I was always too busy questioning.

Can you help me to have trust? To stop self-doubting, hindering the flows of creation and pursuing neurosis instead. I really wish to grow much faster than this. I want so much more. But my studies always precedes in so great a distance from the action. I shall learn from you, and I know your concentration skills are phenomenal. Because I have always practiced diversity rather than absorption, my concentration skills have declined rather than improved. But I know whatever I do well, it is done because in that regard I have totally been consumed.

So now I promise you this. I shall not multi-task if I can help it. Just simplify and focus. With this action please give me the power that I am asking for such that it matches up to my mind's growth. Genius can only be harnessed this way. And I have always known this.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

EGO

Dear Lord,

Arun just messaged me regarding my msn description, "oh Haruman". I know what his skeptical mind is thinking and the vision of his provocative comment about the Avatar film the other day popped swiftly into mind. There is no way to poke through his prideful stance on academia and I know this. But why am I still bothered about his address to me?

And then right now I am feeling feverish. It was so silly of me to indulge in so much heat in the morning. I was sort of enjoying the presence of Agni and hence went too far. I felt indestructible in the moment. It was out of point. I was supposed to just harness the motivation of that energy and not allow it to get into extreme. I understand now.

It's difficult to stay rooted in infinite reality. I see this as people of material reality confront my philosophy because their's has physical, tangible qualifications. So in a sense it's not that it's difficult for me to be grounded in my ideas, but it's tough for me to make the material people understand my reality. I can comprehend their perspective, easily, nothing doing. But there's so much more and that they can never see, not when they insist on planting their philosophies down to the ground such that their belief system can never be shaken.

And everyone thinks they are different from everyone else and their's the only right way. They cannot differentiate the realities and see that they all co-exist. I only want them to see this but then if they could I wouldn't even be here frustrating about this topic. But then at the end of the day what I am more frustrated about is that need to be understood when I already know they cannot understand. It is the same as my desire for recognition which has subsided as the years have gone by but observably still exists.

Please teach me your strength in humility. Having this will definitely make me more comfortable and be that someone that I can be proud of but then again the latter sentence is again a result of the ego to a certain degree. I think I need rest now. Perhaps my physical degradation is surfacing the ego that I have tamed and controlled pretty well all this time. Please get rid for me the pains of the animal body and mind. I will not smoke till we meet our friends later.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine