"tsomet lev" attention

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the smoothness in which we managed to get the van as well as the new home. It will all really help. People are very willing to help out it seems, and these are people whom I thought could be rather particular yet it went so easily. Meng Seng did not even try to go into detail which makes me even more hopeful regarding discussing a later arrangement.

Thank you that there was so quick a response to my ad regarding the vouchers and there is almost a certainty that the deal can be easily done. Also, with the van tomorrow we can easily manage deals with our unwanted items as well. Generally I am just glad that we are definitely guaranteed an increase tomorrow.

Thank you that Isaac and I are so good and close now. We are totally flowing with each other except for some points which teaches and contrasts and get us even closer still. One of the best feelings in the world, to have Isaac, to be so in love, to feel its power. We are invincible now in this state - not pushing it, nor rushing it nor imagining it but flowing in accordance to what the universe tells us.

Thank you that we are nearly done packing. It will be easy tomorrow to just pack up the clothes in the cupboard while Isaac goes to pick up the van. Also I don't think it will be that bad carrying the stuff down tomorrow and if it does get tiring I will ask a friend to come over and help.

It has been nice to enjoy this last night here with whisky and cigar.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"etmol" Yesterday

Dear Hanuman,

Thank you that Calixtus and I are talking again. He sounds fine. I am glad. I know things will always be fine. That is normalcy to me and normalcy always rules. Soon I will be with my whole family again and we will be happy and smiling and Isaac will have learnt to open his heart chakra by then and we will also be in a better state of things.

Thank you that everywhere seems quiet regarding the workers' thing. After all, Tan would have said something if it's blown up. And Carrick would have called Isaac if something went to the home. Also when Isaac went back last nothing was brought up to that effect so generally we are really blessed to be saved from any catastrophy of that sort.

Thank you that despite my discomfort at not being adequate at One-North the other day, Khalid seems to like us very much. That is a good sign at least. Also, I am also glad for the learning experience to be fully myself. Because I have not really understood this feeling of inadequacy I feel in these circumstances and perhaps this is my time to learn. After all, I will be leaving soon.

Thank you that I feel totally good with my friends now. I have let go of the awful feelings I had about their behaviour and know it to just be human nature and human failings now. It is great to not take personally anything at all because it means I am free. And it is easier to focus on what truly matters for growth like this. Detachment is definitely so very vital.

"hayeshu'ah derekh" the way of salvation

Dear Lord,

Thank you that Eway seems keen to help, any help is truly a consolation right now. And generally I can sense his friendship is a strong one and it is comforting to feel so. I suppose I understand him even better now about The Issue because someone that feels safe and secure will surely make someone who is vulnerable and insecure feel good towards life.

Thank you that Khalid called today. This makes it easier to make the offer to him and that will be handy for us. At least this helps me a little to not look back... because there is something to look forward to, to hope for. And that is important because looking back is facing the wrong direction on that stream of consciousness. And I will then be heading towards where I do not want to be.

Thank you that I have spoken to Melissa with quite hopeful results. That leaves greater possibility to the achievement of the most important plan. And she does seem to have the contacts necessary to complete this quest. Speaking to her is also significant in my life because it heralds a daringness about me towards my goal. That I would just go for it and spread the word without overtly caring about everything else, the everything else that always stumps me.

Thank you that I am getting sleepy which means that my listening to the voice of the universe has steadily brought me back to the normal sleeping pattern. I will continue to heed this voice and definitely will go to bed shortly after this piece. I will not allow the sun to rise before my head hits the pillow this time and tomorrow will have even more hope to give.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"Mazal" Luck

Dear Lord,

You have been so great, giving me the gift of security always in the nick of time. And everything I have sought after and missed was not meant for me while something else was, in which you helped me to find soon after. Right now I can not yet see what will be the method in which the abundance will come, but I know that I am blessed by you so it is assured. After all, out of nothing came a hundred, and a thousand has been settled, so it is not hard to believe in more.

My 28th birthday just came and went, and no matter what my good intentions are, my heart always takes note of the day and hopes that the people around me gives some attention to it as well. And there was enough and towards the rightful things like my talents and my mind. While all the time I felt a little jaded, a little discomforted and a little old. I know I would not have felt these things if someone in particular wasn't there, with all the manipulations of perspection and the sublimal messages.

But I must have been beautiful - otherwise warnings would not be necessary to give. And connections less felt. It seemed to me all the other movements were rather superficial... and if I was part of that, I would have not rejoiced as much in the glory of my maturity, that self-knowledge, but would be subjected to the knowledge of other people. I mean it was not as if that someone in particular was given regard in the aspects that most matter. In fact, it distracted from the image that was attractive, which completes my suspicion on the hindrance of beauty.

The idea of that form of luckiness, where is derived from insecurity to attention-seeking behaviour isn't luckiness at all but over-confidence. Because the 'smoothness' is affected by the approbation of others and could be smashed easily - like the time with the light fellow. And when smashed, is very embarrassing. And if embarrassing, is totally out of point to luck. I think this 'luck' is at the end of the day, not luck but plain, insecure lashes. So I should not find it a vibrational drawing of luck but a feeding of the inner world where its empty and dark... a pitiable state.

However, there are things to learn... I am definitely to take care of myself better. Especially about the rest. I think I am going to go nap a bit more now because I do need more rest. The many, many days of topsy turvy sleeping patterns and no sleep has taken so much on my body. I should rest whenever I can. And today's our off day before we begin proper tomorrow so I should try to zzzzzzz. Anyway I must thank you so much Lord, for your guidance of my direction and for helping me ease the mind from the bothers of my birthday night.

Please continue to lift the bane off... thank you again for the gift today.

"b'rucha" blessed

Dear Lord,

I invoke thee to our aid. I invoke thee to our comfort. Thank you for all your blessings.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,
Celestine

"ani" I

Dear Lord,

I am you and you are me. And I will deliver.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa
Celestine

"shakach" forget

Dear Lord,

I pray that the miracle has come.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"Nesya" Miracle of God

Dear Lord,

I pray that the miracle has happened. My resolution is now more there than before. I know everything's going to be fine. There is no other way but up. I do not care. I will handle this. I will. I will not allow anything untoward to happen to us. First and foremost I will find an investor. I will go all out. There will be nothing else on my mind other than that tomorrow.

I will be strong for Isaac. He deserves this and it is true that it was my fault. I will not go there again. I must take charge. Something has changed. And I am going to be a survivor not a weakling. I shall not succumb to self-pity. And maybe I will discontinue the site. For perhaps in some way I am only dramatising the situation and not taking the situation by its horns. That was my main problem with religion in the first place and I am wondering how I should place everything now.

I need some time to myself. To reflect, to feel and gather myself together. I need to write in the other blog. I need to really, really write. I have not done that in awhile. I need to assert myself. I need to see clearly. I am lost in esoteria. And its not that I am giving up on it. That will be ridiculous for me. But I need to join the physical to the astral.

Alright I shall return when my thoughts have been released in a relentless stream of consciousness.

"Toe-Dah" thank you

Dear Lord,

I pray that we are saved and can move on from this point. We have always been so incredibly blessed. I see it now. If it wasn't for this time I wouldn't have known this so well as I do now. Please continue keeping us in your good graces and have us face the right direction in the wheel of fortune. Thank you again for all that you have given us.

I don't know if we will receive the gift that I hope for so very much but either way I know we will be fine because I truly see now that we have always been fine, through your grace. And with this comes this immense confidence that somehow or another everything will be alright. I thank you for this confidence at this time. It really truly helps so very, very much in our hour of need.

I think I want to try doing something really dramatic for you Lord so that I can go into that state to usher in the moment of confirmation for tomorrow's result. I shall ask whether this is advisable. And the extent of which I want to abstain, I have never tried it before, so I am a bit apprehensive. *** Okay, Isaac and I have decided to do it. Thank you Lord for your guidance.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"shoresh" root

Dear Lord,

I pray that my prayers have been answered and I am now free. And I see that the step to doing this lies in already feeling free. I do feel that but it fluctuates so I just have to allow it to set. Vibrating at 'free' will be vibrating correctly. So is vibrating at 'easy'. We should always do everything like it's easy. Shefa! Shefa! Shefa!

Imma trying to figure out why from the state of ease anyone will fall from grace. It definitely has to do with some larger force distracting one out from the state of ease. And this is usually some other person whom you know, love or hate. For some people, that distracting force does not even need to be someone who is significant, just knowing and wanting that person to like you will do. Ah! I see now. Ego.

Ego distracts from Self. Self-identification isn't the same as being rooted. Being rooted just means connecting to the physical and it has to be balanced. That's why the most beautiful earthy people are truly the glorified farmers and natives with their soulful philosophy and understanding of nature. Connecting to the earth, reading the secrets of nature and life. Shefa! Shefa! Shefa!

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"Yod" -the primal vibration of the universe

Dear Lord,

I pray with great earnestness that my prayers are answered and I am now free. I have promised to return to something but as you are not enthusiastic about a contribution to you, I will think on it till I find something good. But meanwhile I will do what you ask by working on my lucid dreaming skills. Shefa! Shefa! Shefa!

I know that I must do whatever I can to vibrate in the same colour as the thing I desire. So I shall give to whomever I meet to create the feeling of lot, keep my home maintained to generate the feeling of luxury and be harmonious with one and all such that the feeling is one of ease. Shefa! Shefa! Shefa!

Besides manipulating the surrounding energies in this way, I am also attempting to balance out my chakras such that I am attracting to myself the right karmic patterns. My sacral and root chakra isn't opened so I have to open them so that my heart chakra will be less active and my chakras will overall be in sync with each other. Shefa! Shefa! Shefa!

I am determined to vibrate in the right way. I am transcending the ways of doubt and inaction. Everything is "already", nothing is "to be". My written words are magic and my conscious creation. I am also the water bearer so I can literally change the composition of liquids to aid all your quests (alchemy). Time shall take its own measure though so impatience shall never do. Shefa! Shefa! Shefa!

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"barukh" blessed

Dear Lord,

I pray that my prayers have been answered and everything's great now. Thank you that I had the inspiration to develop the chakra knowledge further and I know see that certain blockages are hindering the quick manifestation of my true desires. Also I have realised that my main strong point is my interest in the occult and that could be made into something.
Chant: I banish lack with gift and now I am full and true.

I will continue with the saturday smoke fast and as that has been going great, the tuesday meat fast. I will not attempt to sacrifice anything else until I got the second one down. Thank you for the clarity after the abstinence of today. We now have some ideas flowing but we do need your blessings on this.
Chant: I banish nought with lot and now I am rich and sweet.

Isaac will brainstorm and research on our newfound ideas and I beseech you to be with him tomorrow while he does this. Please also give him the motivation and strength to keep going despite any past influences. And for myself, be with me throughout the day and help me to dispel any worry from material reality with true need not to.
Chant: I banish poverty with generosity and now I am abundant and wealthy.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"ladeornmc" wealth

Dear Lord,

I pray that I am out of this difficult situation and now I am reborn again, free to make all the plans I have always wanted to make and create that earthly state of the ether to harness the peace within. It is the vibration of already, now, being, rather than want, desperation, hope. Already, already, already.

After this I shall go bask in all the luxuries of my living quarters and further create the zen-like state of the astral here on earth. This is to build up the vibration that I need to solidify the prayer. I have already done the work emails and cannot do more till we get the list from Kel. The proposal and mock up has also been sent out already so what more I can do will just be to look for more opportunities online later. And I shall do so during work time. So all in all, I am feeling good about everything that I can physically do at the moment. Which will aid the vibration. Best of all is that I have time alone in my beautiful room right now with the quiet to ease me into me. Now, now, now.

I am excited about later where I am going out to have some fun, the sacrifice that we have made in abstaining from these activities for so long will be broken tonight and an exchange will be complete. I believe that everything's great and everything will always be fine and hence I shall dismiss it all now to forget it in my conscious such that it is in my subconscious power. And I am so blessed that no matter what, things are always great... so I'll just be, be, be.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"shefa" abundance

Dear Lord,

Saturn came to me today and he said he will reward us for our efforts. I am just waiting and looking out for the salvation. Help me to keep my patience and my meditation. I must continue vibrating at the right frequency. Abundance, abundance, abundance.

I pray that our physical situation has been lifted. I'll offer up what I have promised to Saturn as well, a warm home, clean, neat and full. I shall go do my part after this or as Isaac desires, our work. And I will remember, abundance, abundance, abundance.

I am starting to feel really sleepy and lethargic. Where are you Lord Hanuman? I need your motivation and energy. Please stay with me. I know Saturn is here and he is cold but everything has its place and there is a reason for everything so I will just trust that it will all fall rightly into motion. Abundance, abundance, abundance.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"lalechet im hazerem" go with the flow

Dear Lord,

Today's lesson is about detachment. One improvement I have definitely noted ever since the rudrakshas is that I am less neurotic than before. I am returning to my old self. Just Feeling, not overly Thinking. And I must thank you. There was a point where I thought I would go mad, like how my brother did. There seem no other way because I could not control the boundaries of my mind and there was no grounding it. All my brother need is truly some grounding. I think he has it now. I pray for him to always have it. Being Taurean, he truly needs a good home.

Soon I will be entirely free from being overtly involved in the mind. I think my bane was always the need to understand every single little thing possible and although that was also my gift, it made me extremely susceptible to becoming my brother as I try to understand him in his madness. And then how I am even without his presence in my life, so intense in the search for truth, so deeply intellectual in perspective, it was easy to go nuts.

I don't think there was anything wrong with my mind's work. What went wrong was the moment things became systematic rather than emotional. And emotion went out of me altogether. I was then detached in the worst way possible and what resulted was extreme nervousness and mounting flightiness. I was already such since I was a child. I wasn't one of those children who cried when they started the first day of school. In fact, I think I was the only child who didn't cry the whole of primary school. But I was whimsical, active, wild and naughty. That strain of emotional showing was fine but the endless return of the adult one where every thought led to nothing scared me to a nervous frenzy.

I thought nothing could save me but something did. And I realised that was more important than any material security. So I am very blessed. The whole turn of events ever since the craziness started helped me to find the flow back again. And here I am nearly at a close. I thank you Lord. You helped me with activity. You helped me with friends who reminded me how to flow. And now I have come full circle for I have returned to my own sense of flow. Not questioning it no longer. Questioning everything. But just being. And choosing my being. And knowing that my choice is the only truth for it heralds the truth.

PS: I pray that I have been delivered from the present worldly situation.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"Tzedakah" Charity

Dear Lord,

Thank you for helping me win yesterday. I am quite excited about tomorrow's draw and my intention is to continue efforts until I get some movement here. Perhaps even just Isaac contributing something will make the difference. I will go convince him to do so once I am done with this entry.

I feel like watching Sherlock Holmes later but that again is focusing on enjoyment rather than meditation. Especially at this point. We can only consider if somebody else asks us. And meanwhile I'll just keep on being generous to everybody I meet. I will try to give each person something every day. And even this I will do it with total absorption(kleetah).

I will begin with Isaac first by making him a cup of tea. I already told him that I will make when he wants it later. Now I shall go humour my friends. I am not sure what I can do for them. But I shall let it flow. This will be my next effort in our exchange of energies. Please be with me and answer my prayers soon.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"El" Strength

Dear Lord,

I am in a weird state, lost because I am not sure what life is going to bring to me. It is exciting but then it could be familiar as well, and if it is the latter, it wouldn't be very good. And this time since it's so much worse than before, it could mean real doom. But I am honestly sick of it. I wouldn't have my mind going there. It is stupid. Everything is easy. I just need to flow. Be with me Lord. Be with me.

I am going to be confident. Everything has an answer even if it's not perfect to my desire at the initial stage. There's always so much to be thankful for. Like I am very thankful that the workers issue isn't raging on at the moment to my knowledge. And I am very thankful that we will be replenishing some dough today. I am also thankful that I get to have peace and quiet and time to myself right now.

I will work out every stress one at a time. I have to simplify, clarify, focus. What I promised you the other day about keeping to schedule, I have not managed to zoom in entirely. Please forgive me. My mind was messy. I will attempt to do so again starting now. But it wasn't that bad anyway. I was flowing and saying yes to the events you presented me.

I have to be more positive. What I did not like about my old faith is the way the believers allowed themselves to become superstitious, weak and self-righteous. I shall not become the same in my growing understanding of energy fields. I shall not be this whimpering person no more in my writings to you. I will write like whatever I desire is already here and everything's perfect.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

"Chaverim" Friends

Dear Lord,

I know Saturn said everything will be fine, but we didn't win again so I did lose faith. And things are getting more and more dire. We are trying our very best at the moment and it does not seem to be good enough. I am seeing death and destruction in so many directions and I am afraid. I know I should not succumb to this weakness. I should be strong, positive, confident. But I just want to be vulnerable now in this moment that I am speaking to you. So that a strong connection will be formed and as I continue to write, a sense of rebirth can be truly created.

It's been more than 40 days for both the 7 mukhi and the 8 mukhi. But there have been no real results. I asked the 7 for security and the 8 for miracles and to date, things are still very unstable and rather than having real luck, we have probably the worse end of the stick. Isaac went down to the car to head down to sell off my old laptop and then he realised the battery's dead because he left the car on since yesterday. We already have the demerit points and the hefty fine for this borrowed car. It's all bad news for our poor friend who lent us the car and a really stressful time for us to add to our stress.

The good part is that we have really good friends. Isaac called Kelvin to come help start the car and he's like over so quickly. And that Eway even lent us the car in the first place. Then tonight we have a dinner at Daniel's. They dunno how much all these things are helping us because no one knows the real extent of our situation or that we even have a situation, except us. It's a scary predicament to be so alone. And sometimes I suspect that if we actually did share the truth of what's happening, instead of helping us like how they are doing it all so comfortable now, they will shun us instead because it's too much trouble.

So now we can survive yet another day. Tomorrow there are confessions to be made to Eway and I dunno how bad that will be, but that's tomorrow. I am really learning to live day by day, moment by moment and it's a grand lesson truly. I am wondering whether I should go for the dinner after our meeting later or do a mahjong session. We need more cash. And there's enough to play. Maybe I cannot win others but I can win in mahjong? I shall ask the tarot again. Lord, please get us out of this situation. Please give me some sign that things are going to improve. Any real progress at all. I know the Gentleman's Club thing seems to be looking up and up all the time but I dunno if the rental can wait till it kicks off.

I shall continue to trust. There is always hope. And I will follow a strict timetable the rest of today in offer to you. Please be with me. Thank you.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

Charging the Sigil

Dear Hanuman,

I am trying to charge my sigil. Please help me to do so in the process of this prayer. I really need this manifestation to come to pass. The desire that I sent out on the blue moon of yesterday has not returned to me and there is so much uncertainty in the air despite my own inner calm. I think my calm is sensitive though because Isaac's edginess gets to me fairly easily. Or maybe it's 'cos the smoke abstinence has started. And I am not exactly ready. But I will keep to it. It will be hard however. So many different things to concentrate on, or not concentrate on.

The same request I have asked of you such that I am praying to you everyday is the one the sigil is for and so for the magic of last night. Please deliver us from this material situation, help us to transcend the entire problem and be free from it forever. We are truly alone in this matter and have no one to ask but you. Can you please take us into your comforting arms? Show us that our idealism and philosophies are incredible but true.

So now, charge the sigil and then help me to forget it. Help it to be in my subconscious such that the manifestation may come to pass swiftly, easily and beautifully. I need to make this significant because things are getting dire. I cannot think all these negative things though, so as I forget, let me forget anything negative as well. Let me just feel good and happy, peaceful and comfortable.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine

Ah-Vahr no more

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the wondrous New Year's eve. It was incredibly beautiful on the nicest beach in Singapore, next to a new pub where the style was perfect for the night I wanted, and enough friends to call it a party and not too many such that it was impossible to have moments with each of them well. And then the fabulous blue moon and the magical sky, the meditation, the spell, the lightsticks and the dancing.

I found my stillness again yesterday and it directly opposes ego which clarifies everything for me. The stillness teaches me everything - what to do now, what to do next, what is happening, why it is happening, what I want, how to get it, how not to get it. And most of all, the stillness helps the presence of each moment to be felt more strongly. Hence I have enjoyed every single moment of the night, savoured the symbollic meaning of everything, gathered all I can gather and heard the first song of the morning. And here I am going at the moment of the Now, enjoying myself in the recording of one beautiful night.

I have been trying to understand the narrowing down of things to harness genius, and I have seen that until my first prayer is answered, I should be focusing and praying on it everyday. I have said that I will write you everyday till I am delivered from this current situation, and now I shall add that one more - I shall not smoke until I have my first meal of the day after I wake. This will synchronise well with my desire to quit smoking by my coming birthday. It's going to be good.

Thank you that Jolene was so quick to respond to my request. And here we are still alive. You have never let us down, not once. We are still here. Tomorrow we will need to let go of some items. Things are tacky but then again, in my lethargic movements, everything's tacky. You will keep us safe, I know. You will keep us safe.

They want us to go play game with them. We half want to and half don't want to. We want to 'cos the game is fun and it is a friday after all. We don't want to 'cos we are tired and enjoy this sleeping pattern now thus not intending to ruin it in any way. Also, it is best we conserve our resources at this crucial point. Guide me to do what is best. Keep the stillness within me. I need you.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine