"lalechet im hazerem" go with the flow

Dear Lord,

Today's lesson is about detachment. One improvement I have definitely noted ever since the rudrakshas is that I am less neurotic than before. I am returning to my old self. Just Feeling, not overly Thinking. And I must thank you. There was a point where I thought I would go mad, like how my brother did. There seem no other way because I could not control the boundaries of my mind and there was no grounding it. All my brother need is truly some grounding. I think he has it now. I pray for him to always have it. Being Taurean, he truly needs a good home.

Soon I will be entirely free from being overtly involved in the mind. I think my bane was always the need to understand every single little thing possible and although that was also my gift, it made me extremely susceptible to becoming my brother as I try to understand him in his madness. And then how I am even without his presence in my life, so intense in the search for truth, so deeply intellectual in perspective, it was easy to go nuts.

I don't think there was anything wrong with my mind's work. What went wrong was the moment things became systematic rather than emotional. And emotion went out of me altogether. I was then detached in the worst way possible and what resulted was extreme nervousness and mounting flightiness. I was already such since I was a child. I wasn't one of those children who cried when they started the first day of school. In fact, I think I was the only child who didn't cry the whole of primary school. But I was whimsical, active, wild and naughty. That strain of emotional showing was fine but the endless return of the adult one where every thought led to nothing scared me to a nervous frenzy.

I thought nothing could save me but something did. And I realised that was more important than any material security. So I am very blessed. The whole turn of events ever since the craziness started helped me to find the flow back again. And here I am nearly at a close. I thank you Lord. You helped me with activity. You helped me with friends who reminded me how to flow. And now I have come full circle for I have returned to my own sense of flow. Not questioning it no longer. Questioning everything. But just being. And choosing my being. And knowing that my choice is the only truth for it heralds the truth.

PS: I pray that I have been delivered from the present worldly situation.

Om Namo Hanumantaay Aaveshay Aaveshay Swaahaa,

Celestine