"Mazal" Luck

Dear Lord,

You have been so great, giving me the gift of security always in the nick of time. And everything I have sought after and missed was not meant for me while something else was, in which you helped me to find soon after. Right now I can not yet see what will be the method in which the abundance will come, but I know that I am blessed by you so it is assured. After all, out of nothing came a hundred, and a thousand has been settled, so it is not hard to believe in more.

My 28th birthday just came and went, and no matter what my good intentions are, my heart always takes note of the day and hopes that the people around me gives some attention to it as well. And there was enough and towards the rightful things like my talents and my mind. While all the time I felt a little jaded, a little discomforted and a little old. I know I would not have felt these things if someone in particular wasn't there, with all the manipulations of perspection and the sublimal messages.

But I must have been beautiful - otherwise warnings would not be necessary to give. And connections less felt. It seemed to me all the other movements were rather superficial... and if I was part of that, I would have not rejoiced as much in the glory of my maturity, that self-knowledge, but would be subjected to the knowledge of other people. I mean it was not as if that someone in particular was given regard in the aspects that most matter. In fact, it distracted from the image that was attractive, which completes my suspicion on the hindrance of beauty.

The idea of that form of luckiness, where is derived from insecurity to attention-seeking behaviour isn't luckiness at all but over-confidence. Because the 'smoothness' is affected by the approbation of others and could be smashed easily - like the time with the light fellow. And when smashed, is very embarrassing. And if embarrassing, is totally out of point to luck. I think this 'luck' is at the end of the day, not luck but plain, insecure lashes. So I should not find it a vibrational drawing of luck but a feeding of the inner world where its empty and dark... a pitiable state.

However, there are things to learn... I am definitely to take care of myself better. Especially about the rest. I think I am going to go nap a bit more now because I do need more rest. The many, many days of topsy turvy sleeping patterns and no sleep has taken so much on my body. I should rest whenever I can. And today's our off day before we begin proper tomorrow so I should try to zzzzzzz. Anyway I must thank you so much Lord, for your guidance of my direction and for helping me ease the mind from the bothers of my birthday night.

Please continue to lift the bane off... thank you again for the gift today.